L’Agent by Agent Provocateur Review: Lolitta in 32DD

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Hey, we’ve discussed this brand before, so I’m going to be lazy and not introduce them. Instead, let’s talk about the bra I got in the mail today, cheaply purchased from eBay. The Lolitta. Spelled that way, yes. I think AP/L’agent has a thing for spelling things a bit unusually.

Lolitta is essentially the same style of cup that Esthar is (single seam that doesn’t go all the way up the cup), but it has some big ass ruffles lining the top of it. It’s mainly black and sheer. There is red ribbon going through the ruffles, which are cream and frilly lace. This is basically not a bra you can wear in a practical way. These ruffles are not going to stay down. I PROMISE you they aren’t going to stay down. It’s also a cup size down because I was curious how the fit would change, and, well, it is a very different fit, but the end result is the same in that it doesn’t fit.

 

So our review begins.

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You know, I just wanted to pose naturally, the way you normally stand when you wear a bra, you know, like this.

I’m not gonna lie to you. I didn’t think this would fit. I assumed the worst and went “the hell with it” and bought it anyway. I am surprised that it didn’t make me cry at how bad the failure of fit was, though. It sort of had what I expected. Cut in at top. The ribbon was no help to that. I have tried similar styles in the past, and anything with a ribbon threaded through the top of the cup NEVER works. So, yeah, it didn’t.

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Here I am, properly swooped/scooped. You can see that it’s too small.

The cup width is 5.5″. This leads me to believe that for every cup size up/down, you’ll have a .5″ difference in width. I was actually very pleased with these wires and was surprised that my little tit didn’t force the cup down/show an empty space at the bottom (the larger one did, but the larger one is my enemy).

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Not swooped and scooped, it’s marginally better in that you can’t tell AS MUCH that it’s too small (but you can still really tell).

This is one of those sad bras that works best if I don’t swoop and scoop at all, especially in profile.

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Swooped and scooped (LOL).

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NOT swooped and scooped.

Now, let’s move onto the band, which is possibly my biggest gripe. This band is not a 32. It stretches to like 34″ and I am not kidding. It’s extremely soft, yeah, but it’s too loose even on the tightest hooks (must I use my Rixie clip?). Again, the gear is all gold, too, but the band is giant so I’m gonna complain about it because this is my brog, dammit.

Overall, this is not a good support bra, but it really wouldn’t be and you shouldn’t expect it to be. It’s extremely, extremely cute and I love the impractical ruffles (sometimes you want ruffles). It also matches my dog’s basic color scheme (plus her red harness!) so it gets points in that respect, too. This won’t see a lot of normal wear, to be honest, because it just isn’t a bra that you should wear too casually. This is a loose shirt or heavy sweater bra, honestly. But it does make me feel hella hot, I’ll say that. (I want the whole set, I can’t lie.)

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The dreaded quad, the dreaded soft boob, the dreaded ribbon destroying my life, the dreaded (keeps on going).

Let’s RATE IT.

Appearance of bra itself (10/10)—I just…like it. I don’t know. I can’t explain myself, I like it. I like the ruffles so much and I always love those ribbons even though they have historically never worked on me.

Appearance of bra on my body (4/10)—Bad fit yet again, however, is light years more comfortable in Esthar, even though it cuts in way more.

Comfort of…

Straps (10/10)—FULLY ADJUSTABLE STRAPS. I really like them and don’t perceive any discomfort in them.

Band (6/10)—NOT TTS. This would be better marked as a 34, honestly. It’s so loose. It’s really, really soft and comfortable, but it’s getting points off because it’s not even close to being correct.

Gore (6/10)—We are NOT tacking here, just to let you know, but the gore is MUCH narrower than the Esthar. It’s .75″ across, which I was surprised to see. I expected it to be much larger. Obviously, we aren’t tacking because this doesn’t fit, but I’m curious to see if narrowing it further might make it CLOSER to tacking.

Underwire (8/10)—These underwires feel great, honestly. 5.5″ is 30,000x better than 6.1″. The wires aren’t painfully hard, either, and I am sensitive to very very hard wires. They could stand to narrower, of course, but it isn’t painful.

Cups (7/10)—I think that going down a cup size (E vs DD) improved a lot of comfort issues I experienced in Esthar, however, the cups cut in way more. I notice that I don’t get that empty space at the bottom on my smaller boob, which really impressed me – but I did in the larger one, which quadded over a ton if I swooped/scooped AND if I didn’t. That isn’t uncomfortable, though. Plus, the cups are not in my armpits at all, which, you know, is The Thing for me.

Overall rating, then? The L’Agent by Agent Provocateur Lolitta (32DD) gets…

73% – Lolitta has beat Esthar’s score!! But it’s not surprising, as the gore isn’t a mile wide in this one.

Take note, potential Lolitta owners: the band runs large, and if you have any center fullness, it’s gonna get chomped by that ribbon. This is going to be more of a fancy-fun-times-lounging-at-home bra because it isn’t practical to wear for your normal life.

…but I like it.

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