I have luxury on my mind lately. Maybe it’s my thin wallet. Maybe it’s the confusing on and off shitty weather. Maybe it’s my uncertainty of the future. All of that, essentially, brings me to escapism. One of my favorite escapist fantasies is that I am extremely rich and have butlers and that I just lounge around in pretty lingerie all day while I drink mimosas and have little dog servants. A corgi in a bowtie brings me a bag of shredded cheese. A giant mutt delivers a letter covered in slobber. I am happy and don’t have to worry about being provided for because I can provide for myself.
Anyway, enough of that. Let’s get into the brand I’ve been obsessed with lately. It isn’t a new brand and it isn’t one that should be unfamiliar to many people – Agent Provocateur. For this entry, we’re looking at their offshoot brand, the “more affordable” range: L’Agent. Essentially, L’Agent is a “design collaboration between Monica & Penelope Cruz and Agent Provocateur” (or at least this is what the tag says). I am always wary of brands that are supposedly designed by celebrities. I can think of a few off the top of my head and I am always convinced that someone else made the design and maybe, at some point, showed it to the celebrity who just went “sure looks good” and that was that. I don’t remember why this became my impression of celebrity brands, but I basically believe that the celebrity name is just an endorsement attached to it while the brand has a pet project.
Okay. Sorry. I really do go on rambles. We are here to talk about L’Agent’s “Esthar” in a 32E. Esthar is a red lace bra with embroidered hearts where the nips should line up. It has a single seam that ends where the embroidered heart begins. It’s a kitschy, funny bra and I found it at a good price on eBay and snagged it because I wanted, very badly, to test some facet of Agent Provocateur.
I can tell you right away that the Esthar is meant for FOB breasts. The 32E has wide cups (about 6.1″!) and isn’t particularly deep (about 8.5″ depth, but spread out). It has a pretty wide gore (1″, and the wires don’t touch). It seems Esthar would be suited for shallow, FOB girls who need wide wires and wide gores. If this is you, you are super lucky. Funnily enough, I am exactly the opposite of this requirement, so I am not super lucky. But I love how this bra looks and think it’s silly and impractical. Hence why I like it.
Why did I choose the 32E, you ask? I’ve read that AP runs small. A 32 band can work for a 30. Or this is what I’ve read. My 32 band stretches JUST shy of 32, but it’s really the closest I can get to a 30. (Besides, I honestly like looser bands and find them more comfortable). I currently think I’m a 30E and read that AP runs shallow in the cup, thus I basically took it in a band AND cup size up. I think the wires would have been better in a genuine sister size (read: 32DD), but I doubt the cup depth would have been enough.
Let’s get into materials. The lace seems good and it isn’t scratchy. It definitely is better quality lace than the kind I find in my aerie undies. The embroidered hearts feel like they aren’t going to pull off at any point, though the outer edges aren’t flush with the cup. I also notice that where the hearts are, the boob underneath gets totally flat. This creates a pretty weird look and it was visible under clothes. I do, however, have very soft tissue and am curious if firmer boobs would suffer similarly.
The gear on this is all gold. Gold sliders, gold rings, good hooks/eyes. The sliders and rings feel like painted plastic to me, but the hooks/eyes are metal. Nevertheless, I think the materials used all get a pass from me. The mesh in the band feels pretty good and is softer than the type that, say, Claudette uses.
Construction~ Okay, this doesn’t have a complicated construction at all. It has a single vertical seam that doesn’t go all the way up the cup, only to the halfway point. This seems to be typical of AP, judging from what I can see of their website. Thus I didn’t think it was particularly supportive, but I have the feeling that actual support isn’t the priority with a bra like this.
The cups have light elastic at the top. For me, this sort of cuts in at the tissue, as I still have fullness in that area. The cups are also pretty shallow and too wide for me, so the empty space is actually visible. The wires are hard, too, and I am not sure if dedicated bending will really solve this problem. The cups are nearly over an inch too wide for me (slightly more than that) and it does not have immediate projection. Boob twins, take note: Esthar is not made with us in mind. This makes me suspect that most AP bras are the same in this regard (but ones with different constructions may yield better results, we will see).
Nevertheless, I really like Esthar. I think this bra is funny. That’s right. It isn’t elegant, pretty, or sophisticated. Normally, if a bra fails me in those ways, I won’t want it. But Esthar is different. It’s sort of tongue-in-cheek about itself, cheesy and gaudy. It also matches many aerie lace undies I have, which earns it some points.
What will I do with her? I’m going to alter the gore and basically angle the cups differently, similar to the alteration one can do on the Cleo Lucy to make it better accommodate upper fullness. After that, I’m going to attempt bending the wires, since they are so damn wide. At the moment, I really like Esthar and have no plans to give it up.
Now, back our regular programming. The exciting rating. We are at the edge of our seats – what will Esthar score?
Appearance of bra itself (10/10)—This bra just makes me smile. It doesn’t take itself seriously. I love the hearts and the extremely vibrant red used in it. This is some kitschy shit that I like.
Appearance of bra on my body (4/10)—This is honestly a bad fit. I can’t lie to you. It seems like this bra was designed to be the opposite of a good fit on me. Cups are wide and shallow. Straps are only half adjustable (I’d like to tighten them more). The hearts create a weird flat edge. It’s extremely cute, but the fit is really bad.
Straps (9/10)—I have not worn this long enough to give a good enough answer, but the straps don’t adjust fully. I hate this on bras. The material is pretty good, though, and isn’t uncomfortable. Point off for the adjustment problem.
Band (9/10)—Not a true 32, but extremely close. Almost TTS, contrary to what I’ve seen recommended online (however, I have seen that AP is just wildly inconsistent so who knows). The band doesn’t feel bad at all and the mesh doesn’t disturb me.
Gore (6/10)—Alright, there’s some stuff going on with this gore. It’s pretty much just fabric – it’s mesh and lace between the cups. It’s really too wide. It might not really HURT but I notice how wide it is. I think that it isn’t as uncomfortable as it could be because it simply isn’t “hard”.
Underwire (5/10)—These are some strong-ass wires. They’re really really really wide and it seems like the casing used is “thinner” than I’m used to. I am not sure if this is because I am, first of all, more used to narrower cups, and that because this is so wide it looks like the channels are skinny. Does that make sense? Who knows. I don’t. They are, however, just sitting on my body and not around my IMF. I imagine this would be really irritating if I wore it for a long day.
Cups (7/10)—Shallow shallow shallow cups that mostly are just sitting on my boobs without doing much. Very mild lift/shaping. The most “shaping”, to be honest, is coming from the embroidered hearts, and that isn’t even “good” shaping. It’s weird looking. It cuts in at the top and I notice it. The sides are also close to my armpits, very closer, because of how wide the cups are.
Overall rating, then? The L’Agent by Agent Provocateur Esthar (32E) gets…
71% – Technically a passing grade, but I was being slightly generous. I would not wear this under a tight shirt but it’s alright for loose shirts.
I am still eager to try AP in the future, but this was a great introductory lesson!
Update: I have altered the gore and bent the wires. The results are still that it doesn’t fit (I need a full band y’all) but it is extremely improved! Here ya go.