Mental Health Thoughts and Resources

Here at Brog with a Dog, I like to talk about lingerie and dogs and happy things because, frankly, the people I love can only listen to me rave about bras and dogs for so long. I wanted to share what I knew on this platform because it’s something fun and creative. I get to give my two cents and potentially help other people figure out if a bra could work for them. Granted, this is a baby brog and is probably difficult to find outside of bratabase, but it’s still something I hope can be helpful. I really do love helping people. The problem is that I find it hard to help myself.

I have a secret: I am going through a bad time right now, and it feels overwhelming and scary and very, very lonely.

I have had depression since I was an adolescent. I have swung through crazy emotional times and went to the opposite side with medication: the feeling of feeling nothing at all. Right now, I’m not even sure what’s worse. Is it worse to be numb and have “surface” feelings (AKA, outwardly reacting to things but feeling nothing in your brain) or is it worse to be extremely emotionally reactive (AKA, frequent crying spells and even more frequent panic attacks)?? I’ve gone through both and I don’t have a good answer. I’m currently on the side of crying and panic attacks!

I suppose I wanted to vent a bit and explain why this brog really has no set schedule. As an obsessive person, I will write 13 reviews in a week, and then shy away from posting anything for three. I have always been this way. I am really, really productive when something excites me, but it eventually passes to something else, or it dissipates because I’m just not in the right place.

I’m not in the right place right now, really. I have been having a record number of panic attacks and have been having extremely low self-esteem and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness about everything. I know that I am loved, but depression makes your perception shrink into a circle where everything is towering above you and all of your friends have never liked you. And I don’t have any answers about it. I don’t know what helps. I can’t identify things that have helped me. I know what doesn’t help, like comparing my life to someone else’s who has it objectively “worse” – a favorite trick of many people, apparently – because that only makes me feel even shittier about feeling shitty, and what good is that going to do?

It can be hard to explain your feelings to people who don’t understand them. People encourage you to do this or that. Someone’s aunt cured her depression with this club and this hobby, and someone’s neighbor cured his depression with this faith and this New Age therapy. But those little anecdotes just make the world feel a lot lonelier and like there must be something inherently bad about me if I can’t follow those paths.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have problems with dissociation, and that means I very easily lose track of the world around me. I frequently don’t know the year or day or my own age and have to think very hard, drawing paths backwards to place myself in time. I’ve always had issues in memory, going back to being a child – I have forgotten family members that I’ve seen very often, which is a favorite family joke but also something that I take seriously on the inside because it’s scary.

I don’t know what is wrong with me. I know that there is something irregular, but I have gotten a multitude of diagnoses that don’t fit right and I’ve resigned myself to saying “it’s a mental disorder” because I just don’t know what’s locked up in this head.

All in all, I’m still here, and it’s not easy. Every day, there is another challenge that is not challenging for someone else, but I am still going. I don’t want people like me to feel alone or strange. Well, maybe we are strange. Maybe our wiring is faulty, but it’s just our wiring. I don’t have any advice (aside from one: do not go to friends/family to make you better, but seek professional help), but know that you aren’t alone in feeling “off” or scared or even nothing at all. I’ve been told it isn’t hopeless and it gets better, but I understand how it feels when those words basically don’t reassure you at all. I’ve been there. I’m still here.

Mental Health Resources:

USA LIST –

24/7 hotline (you can also text them):

http://www.crisiscallcenter.org/crisisservices.html

24/7 hotline, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (good for US and Canada):

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Trans lifeline (not 24/7, good for US/Canada):

http://www.translifeline.org

877 565 8860

The Trevor Project (for LGBT youth, and you can call/text/chat online):

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/support-center

866 488 7386

CANADA LIST –

24/7 hotline, National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (good for US and Canada):

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)

Kids Helpline, for ages 5-25:

http://org.kidshelpphone.ca

1800 668 6868

Trans lifeline (not 24/7, good for US/Canada):

http://www.translifeline.org

877 330 6366

AUSTRALIA LIST –

24/7 hotline called Lifeline (it seems the call is free if you’re on a mobile, but not free from a landline):

13 11 14

and their Crisis chat line:

https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat

Kids Helpline, for ages 5-25:

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/grownups/about-this-site.php

1800 55 1800

UK/IRELAND LIST –

Papyrus (not 24/7 and only UK; call, text, or email)

https://www.papyrus-uk.org

call – 0800 068 41 41

text – 07786 209697

Samaritans (24/7 and both UK/Ireland; call or email)

http://www.samaritans.org

UK number – 08457 90 90 90

Ireland number – 116 123

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4 thoughts on “Mental Health Thoughts and Resources

  1. Emily says:

    Thank you for sharing this. It is such an important but deeply hard, personal, scary topic.
    I’m loving your blog, by the way.

    Like

  2. Thank you for posting. I am having problems with getting around to blogging myself for similar reasons. I have bipolar 2 but I also have memory issues following electroshock treatment.

    Like

  3. This is always so hard to go through. I totally know what it feels like though, and like you said, you are not alone. I have been on medication for a few years and recently went off them for a couple weeks (due to them running out/laziness to not get them refilled) and I was almost immediately reminded what it was like before I went on them and why I stay on them.
    It’s not something you can fix yourself-it’s the worst when people tell you that you can “think yourself out of it” or some other such shit. Best of luck in your healing.

    Like

  4. Allegra L. says:

    Thank you for that list of helpful links. Depression runs in my family and it is now starting to have its effects on me. Always know that you have a community that understands and supports you.

    Like

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