WWMDW? (What Would My Dog Wear?)

Here is a post you didn’t think would happen. In fact, here is a series you didn’t think would happen.

My mother/daughter who decided our walk was actually over and how dare you think otherwise.

My mother/daughter who decided our walk was actually over and how dare you think otherwise.

What would my dog wear?

Okay, so this is just something light-hearted because your dog would never wear a bra unless you decided it was an unusual dress-up day, which I don’t think any dog would like. I work with dogs as a groomer and a dog-sitter and I can assure you that no dog would understand a bra on their body. They hardly understand why you bathe them. They just think they’ve been forsaken by Dirty Dog God who wants them to roll in mud, lick something that might have been a squirrel a few weeks ago, and then drink their water in such a messy way that water is all over the floor.

Okay, so maybe that’s my dog.

Let me say this: I love my dog so much it’s a little frightening to most people. But I can’t help it! I grew up with dogs and I cannot imagine a life without them. So for my first WWMDW? Post, we will be honoring my dear and darling Princess, who turned seven this year. I have no idea what she is. Vets have hypothesized that she is a mix of a pitbull, rottie, lab, and Greater Swiss Mountain dog. But this is all theory. I don’t need to know what she is because I know that she is a good, lazy dog that is extremely foolish.

How is this a real dog that I live with? And did you know that her leopard does not have feet anymore because, for some reason, she will only pick her leopard up by the tags, ears, or tiny feet? Well? Did you?

How is this a real dog that I live with? And did you know that her leopard does not have feet anymore because, for some reason, she will only pick her leopard up by the tags, ears, or tiny feet? Well? Did you?

So what would Princess wear?

She would wear this sweater my mom knitted, even if she didn't "get" it. This is my favorite picture in the entire world - look at that lil smile.

She would wear this sweater my mom knitted, even if she didn’t “get” it. This is my favorite picture in the entire world – look at that lil smile.

Well, she’s a simple girl. She is all about non-frillies, non-fuss, and comfort. She is a practical bra-wearing dog. So without further ado, here are some bras that my lovely girl would wear.

Claudette Dessous

In American Tan, taken from loveclaudette.com. I think this brown would match her eyebrows!

This is the standard of simplicity. There is nothing “extra” going on – a simple yet sophisticated color way. Princess does not see colors like I do, so I imagine that extreme patterns would be confusing to her. She would want a bra that makes visual sense to her. Because Princess is not me, she gets to wear these and they fit her. (This is hilarious to write because I’m seriously considering what my dog might look for in a bra.)

Comexim Pantera

The Pantera, taken from comexim.pl!

Princess has a leopard toy she absolutely loves. It is her favorite toy. It has been sewn and repaired many times, but she is very gentle with her leopard. She only picks it up by its smallest parts, like it’s a child she loves. So considering the love she has for her leopard, I think she would love the Pantera because it is, first, leopard print, but it is also supposed to be pretty comfy. Well, maybe. Comexim is supposed to be comfy, and Princess is all about comfort.

Fortnight Vega in Wine

The Fortnight Vega in wine, taken from fortnightlingerie.com!

Princess wears a red harness. Not because she likes red, because maybe she does, but because we got her a red one. Now, I always associate her with red. Her little bed is red. Her collar, however, is a loudly clashing fuchsia – why did my parents get that for her?? Why?? Oh well. Princess is all comfort-minded, and I have a Vega myself that is my most comfortable bra right now even though it doesn’t fit. I think Princess might do the same sort of thing.

Aerie Sofie

Sophie in black. Taken from ae.com!

Now, I used to wear the Sofie all the time. It is still the softest bra I can imagine, even though it doesn’t fit. But Princess, being practical, certainly needs a comfortable black bra to match her body because those more colorful numbers will show through her more sheer dog shirts. What on earth am I writing? Oh well. I like it.

As for undies?…Princess goes commando. She never has a period and never has to worry.

“What will we see in the future of WWMDW?” you probably ask. I only have one dog, but I will do my next one on the lovely greyhound I regularly watch named Ruby. After that? Well, I’ll probably go by breeds and decide what might be in their bra arsenal based on my experiences with them. Who knows what the future holds, my friends…

Have any requests? Tell me about your dog and I’ll hypothesize what your dog might wear in the hypothetically bra-wearing dog world! Maybe you wanna make it weird too. We’ll see.

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