Hey there bosom buddies.

I know bunches of people have blogs about lingerie, and I get that. So I’m gonna be one drop in a giant pool of lace and flowers and boobies, but I could be a decent flavor for somebody! I won’t get into introductory details about bra-fitting because I am not an expert on other people’s bodies and I think other people do it much better. So let’s get into it: where am I coming from, and who will my experiences help?

Are you short? Me too. Just a touch under 5’2”. I’ve been an armrest for too many people. Apparently my head is a great height for the Amazons to rest their arms on, or my shoulders are similarly a great arm-shelf. My height also makes it nearly inevitable that someone hugging me will pick me up a little bit, which brings me to the next point.

Are you narrow-framed? I am. I have tiny little shoulders, a tiny ribcage, and I’m easily lost in crowds. I can hide in unexpected places, though, and my stature means that I have a bit of a Napoleon complex—big persona in a little person (he really wasn’t short, though…oops).

Are your boobies projected? Mine are VERY, and they’re heavy. My back and neck hurt frequently. My girls are tender when I haven’t worn a bra all day—they might not be huge, but man, they’re heavy!

Are you even to full on top? My girls are. I’m in-between a 3-5 and 3-6 as far as shape goes. For a while I assumed I was FOB, since it seemed like that was the majority of people and I didn’t think my breasts were incredibly different from anyone else’s. And really, in essence, they aren’t. They are humble creatures that don’t pay rent on my body, and I might someday use them to feed a baby.

All of this together means that I have specific fit issues. What are my common problems?

  •  Cups do not frequently have enough immediate projection: I’m top-heavy, but the bottom is just as projected as the rest. This means that the underwires of most bras are forced downward, refusing to sit in the IMF. I am frequently tightening straps too much to prevent that, but it still happens and I am always covered in red marks. Ouch!
  • Cups are too tall and wide: bras are anticipating that the wearer has more…well, person there to deal with. Bras are meant for average frames, so cups are ALWAYS up in my armpits or at least scraping them. I get red marks and chafing there as well as the inevitable deodorant stain inside the cups. As well as this, most cups are too wide and are trying their very best to make room for tissue I don’t have. Underwires and I fight regularly on this.
  • Too long or too stretchy straps: I will always have to adjust straps, and I accept that. But one of my real enemies is the too-elastic strap—it will never be the right tightness or length because it’s stretching every which way!
  • Bands that are too stretchy or too stiff: I don’t have a lot of flesh to cushion my band, but I need a tight band. I regularly measure 28.5” for my snug underbust, meaning I’m technically between a 28 and 30 band. This means that my 30 bands are generally too stretchy and wear out fast, but that 28 bands can be too tight and can hurt me. Again, red marks all over. (I should note that I’m very sensitive to elastic of all kind, like the bands on socks or hair bands I keep on my wrist just in case!)

So what is my perfect bra? That’s sort of the goal I have. In looking for the perfect bra for my shape, I hope to help others with some of my problems. Maybe you’re F-O-B, but also have cups rubbing your armpits. Maybe you’re shallow, but have short roots that too-tall cups are drowning in fabric. Maybe you’re here for pictures of my dog, who is my child and mother.

Sorta.

 I hope to help other people with this blog, and I won’t be all-bras all-the-time. I will discuss other things. I groom dogs and dog-sit. I’m a college student. I’m a girlfriend. I have a mental illness. I have a fluid sexuality. All of these contribute to how I view lingerie, its impact on myself, and its impact on the people I interact with regularly.

Here’s the thing: I’ve always accepted that I have breasts (having no alternative), and I’ve finally accepted that they aren’t a fictionally perfect set you see on stars in photoshoots. They’re uneven, tend to sag (even though I’m a young’n), and are HEAVY. But they’re mine. Bras have made them more comfortable to work with as well as made them something I am suddenly pleased by. They’re not on me, now, but they’re just as much a part of my body as my legs and arms are. They don’t have to be annoying.

Let’s make breasts not annoying!

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2 thoughts on “Hey there bosom buddies.

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